Single women often say they wish they could find a nice guy, but are nice guys really what they’re looking for? In her Medium.com article, Kelly Peacock discusses the difference between “nice guys” and “good men.” And as a single man who describes himself as both, I found her write-up intriguing.
Well, I used to be a nice guy. These days, I’d consider myself “‘somewhat nice”— though that’s a story for another day.
Peacock kicks off her article with the zinger, “There are too many ‘nice guys’ and not enough good men.” Ouch, right?
She insists the nice guy, with his charming demeanor and conflict-averse nature, can actually be driven by a deep-seated self-centeredness.
“The nice guy gives to get. He puts up a misleading front, being generous and romantic only because he wants to get something out of it. He’ll tell you what you want to hear. He also is more likely to avoid situations where he could face rejection because it could bruise his ego.”
Peacock emphasizes that a so-called “nice guy” often treats women differently depending on their relationship with him, using them to boost his own life. He frequently complains about the “friend zone,” feeling entitled to sex or affection just for being nice. This manipulative behavior starkly contrasts with that of good men, who treat everyone with respect and genuinely value friendships.
She also points out that nice guys have this annoying habit of flashing neon signs saying “Look how nice I am!” Meanwhile, the genuinely good men just do their thing without needing a round of applause because let’s face it—when you’re truly good, your actions do all the talking for you!
Do you know any “nice” men who can’t stop bragging about their good deeds while pointing their fingers at other men and saying, “Look at that jerk over there. He has no class.”
And are the real MVPs men who quietly go about their business of being awesome without expecting a parade in their honor? Love, according to Peacock, should never be a “you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours” kind of deal.
Does she make sense?
Peacock has some valid points, but let’s be honest: if a guy – even a ‘good man” – is romantically interested in a woman, he’s going to put in way more effort for her than he would for someone who’s just a platonic friend or colleague, or already in a relationship. And if he senses the interest isn’t mutual. he’ll eventually stop jumping through hoops for her.
If she doesn’t treat him like a prince, why should he treat her like a princess?
In my opinion, some men highlight their niceness in response to single women’s constant complaints about meeting jerks, but this approach can backfire. The issue lies in the fact that many women are not attracted to overly nice guys, as they often come across as insecure and lacking self-esteem and a certain masculine edge.
When nice guys remind women of their good deeds or come across as overly sweet, it can create the impression that they are trying to compensate for qualities women naturally find attractive. This approach also subtly suggests that their kindness is more about seeking validation and less about about creating a genuine connection.
Perhaps Peacock and I agree that “nice guys” often DO finish last.
Why?
“Bad boys” are more successful with women than nice guys because they tend to strut around with confidence, security, and a whole lot of swag. They can also make a woman feel protected. And sure, those traits will reel in a top-notch lady… until she figures out he’s an a**hole.
To truly connect, it’s essential for men to balance respect, kindness, and genuine selflessness with confidence and assertiveness. This combination is far more appealing.
Men – Be a good man, not a nice guy.
More on this story from Medium.com.
